Epic Fail
by Falconeyes
Summary: Two girls are sucked into the narutoverse by a wierd purple mist, with one slight difference. They are cats! What happens when they are taken in by Tobi? And what if, every so often, they change back to thier original human forms. . . T for Hidan.
1. Prologue

**Selina(Falconeyes, Emily, whatever.): Hello!! **

**Yes, sue me, im writing yet another story. It is a tiny bit the same to the Birthday wish, but there is a little twist you will see in the next chapter.**

**In this one I am writing with another person. We are making up ideas and just logging 'em in our brains.**

**This will be a very funny story. That is all.**

**(I be very sorry Starla wont be able to chat, but whenever I try and call her it doesn't work Dx )**

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EPIC FAIL

Prologue

Sunlight beamed down on the suburban streets of Tristan County. The usual rustle and bustle of daily life had slowed down considerably since the start of summer. In the small neighborhood almost nothing stirred. Birds chirped about the eventful day they had, the wind blew the trees neon green leaves, and a few honks could be heard from the highway that was a few roads down.

All this serenity was broken in an instant by loud burst of laughter from two teenage girls. They sat in the front yard of a small, cream house on the edge of the street.

"Selina he really said that?!" asked Starla through burst of laughter. She had just literally rolled on the ground laughing, a thing that surprisingly, she did often. Starla brushed out her long brown hair with her fingers, attempting to rid it of stray grass fragments. Selina meanwhile, nodded, unable to control her own laughter, her Gray eyes sparkling with blue like they often did when she was happy.

"Yeah," Selina gasped, finally able to breathe. The short girl threw the manga over to Starla, while still somehow keeping it on the correct page (with aid of bookmark). Starla flipped it open and scanned over the page.

"Man, Tobi is such an idiot, how again is he in the Akatsuki?" asked Starla, setting the book beside her. Selina shrugged.

"I just can't wait until I can hear him say it in the anime." This provoked a fresh burst of laughter. Just imagining hearing Tobi's voice whenever he first says that line. . . 'Tobi's a good boy'. Selina picked the book back up and continued devouring it, like she did every manga she came across. Starla looked over her shoulder and read along. For a few minutes, they sat there, not making any noise except the occasional flip of the paper.

Then, an icy feeling, like pins prickling the back of your neck, crept up their spines. Selina looked up confused. "What the heck? It's summer but I'm cold . . . do you feel that Starla?" the younger asked looking up at the sky to see if there was sudden cloud cover or something.

"What on earth is this purple stuff . . .?" asked Starla, turning to look behind her. She casually dumped some more sugar onto her tongue (ya know, pixie stix?), therefore adding to her sugar rush. "Let's touch it!"

Selina turned to look. A large morphed circle of purple mist billowed up and spread across the lawn. Instantly moisture that had been in the humid air condensed and fell, like a miniature rainstorm within the cloud. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea . . ." whispered Selina, though despite having an equal sugar rush, still held common sense.

"I'm sure it will be fine. . ." assured Starla, reaching to the mist. Selina grabbed her arm and again insisted that it was defiantly _not _a good idea _at all_. Of course, being on a sugar high of epic proportions, she touched it. Mist quickly sped up her arm, condensing and giving it a shine from the water droplets that had dropped. It spread from her arm to cover her whole body, making her hair begin to stick together in awkward clumps. Her eyes widened, finally realizing that it was a bad thing to touch the mist.

"Starla . . . you're an idiot," mumbled Selina as some of the mist that was on Starla attached to her skin. She immediately let go and tried to brush it off, and only succeeded in making it cover her even more.

"Selina, even your logic doesn't work on sugar," retorted Starla, who had given up already and accepted the fact she was covered in purple growing mist. She even continued to explore it.

". . . Yeah . . ." mumbled Selina who was still trying to get the stuff off. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind began to swirl around them, blowing the mist in a large column. The mist started to rise. Starla looked down at herself and saw little dust like particles of herself also blowing away with the mist. Darn what drug did they put in the pixie stix? Right after that, everything blacked out.

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**Selina: Yes, FEAR IT!! FEAR!**

**Anyways, if you have read A Birthday Wish, you would recognise the purple mist. And yes, eventualy you will find out what it is. But you have to read my other story for that. Ha, im so crule. **


	2. Giant Cats

**Selina: Hello!! I got starla!! xD -yay!-**

**Starla:NOM! Iz eatz pixie stix!**

**Selina: o.o?**

**Anyways, hope you like the second chapter-o-doom!!**

**Starla: :) yesh! hey, gimme som candeh! u haz som! i knows it!**

**Selina: nope, no candy for you until way in the story. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH -cough- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... nyao**

**Starla: TT-TT no candeh... Now u, READ STORY!!**

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Chapter 1

Giant cats

Selina's gray eyes fluttered open. Her brain, not functioning well after a sleep on sugar load, immediately thought it was school time and let her head fall back down to what was assumed a pillow.

Instead, she hit snow.

She spat out a mouthful of the white, now mushy, stuff. From the jolt that came from the cold, all the girls' senses became top notch. She looked around, and saw she was in a big forest, covered in snow. Wasn't it summer? Slowly thoughts of what had happened returned to her brain. She was reading manga and Tobi was an idiot. Then a weird purple mist came and Starla touched it, therefore making it so she herself touched it. Blackout.

A giant black mound topped with white stuff, probably more snow), was right beside her. Besides having top notch senses, her brain was now lagging. She crawled forward and touched the mound, finding it soft. It groaned and got up. Selina's eyes widened as she realized what it was. There, right in front of her, was a cat that was exactly her height. The cat blinked dark blue eyes before tilting its head to the side.

"Whoa . . . why is there a giant cat in front of me?" mewed the cat. Selina blinked a few times. No, she wasn't completely startled by the fact a cat could talk. Actually she had always they believed they could, just to each other. Also giant cats might have some strange magical power of doom. Nor was she surprised that the giant cat sounded like a high hippie. What did surprise her was how familiar the voice was.

"Starla . . . is that you?" asked Selina, now tilting her own head to the side. Suddenly the cat started bouncing up and down, speaking very, very fast.

"Wow!Notonlyisthereagiantcatinfrontofme,butitalsocantalkanditknowsmyname!" squealed the cat, surprisingly able to do that in one breath. Selina only blinked.

"I'm not a giant ca-" she looked down and saw paws, "What the crap?" Selina, now realizing she was a cat also, realized that Starla wasn't a giant cat, but they were both just cats. Wow, sleeping on sugar killed her brain it seemed. "Starla, you're a cat also . . ." mumbled Selina looking behind her and swishing her tail through the snow. Wow, tails were fun.

Starla looked down and noticed she was a cat. "Oooooohhh . . . that makes sense," she mewed before running up to the unknown cat (Selina). "By the way, how do you know my name?" she asked, tilting her head even farther until she almost fell over. Selina's ear twitched, which was understandable since she was a cat.

"Starla, I'm Selina."

"OH! Even more sense!"

Selina cuffed her friend upside the head for . . . just being idiotic. "Starla, why did you touch the mist?" asked Selina, yet again trying to figure out how to use her tail. Starla merely smiled lopsidedly before rolling onto her back.

"Because . . . I don't know!" she laughed, obviously still on a sugar high. Selina rolled over onto her own back and looked at Starla.

"How will we get back now, and turn human?" asked Selina thoughtfully. Starla paused for a second, before rolling right side up.

"Um, we got here, we can get back!" she suggested, even though it wasn't really a suggestion. Starla finally noticed why Selina had been playing with her tail and decided to explore her own tail.

"Oh yeah right, just look for a cloud of purple mist, I hear we can buy it in the market!" mewed Selina with obvious sarcasm.

"Where is the market then?"

"Starla . . . I vow to never give you sugar again,"

_**XxXxXxXxXxXx**_

After some more exploring and learning (mainly on how to actually walk with four legs) the two girls turned cats walked through the snow. Starla's black pelt almost blended in with the white for one reason, on the top of her back was a huge splotch of white that ran to a crest at her head, looking like snow had gathered on a black rock or something. Selina also joined her in the blending category by the fact that most of her pelt was silver. Only her ears and tail were black. Not soon after they discovered how to walk they came upon a puddle, and for the first time saw themselves as cats.

Selina liked how she looked, thinking the silver pretty. Starla had wondered why there was snow on her and tried to shake it off, then making the epic discovery that it was fur. Now they both trekked through the snow, trying to find a place without snow, for it was getting very cold. . .

Suddenly, Starla stopped, her long whiskers twitching.

"DUCK AND COVER!" she yowled before throwing herself on the ground, trying to look like a rock. Selina stopped and looked at her like she was mad.

"What are you yelling about?" she asked, blinking in confusion. Then she heard some crunching of snow. Ah, that. Selina ran to her friends hiding place but was a minute to late, for the whatever-it-was saw her.

"Cats!" he (for the voice did sound like a he) yelled before running and scooping them both up. Both girls meowed in shock, for it was kind of hard to do anything else as a cat. Starla tried to bite him real quick.

"No! Don't bite! We are kinda at whoever-it-is mercy," commanded Selina, whose hind legs where dangling as a result of awful handling. Starla grumbled and enjoyed the fact that she was held more securely then her friend that was foreboding her from biting. Dang if you have teeth why couldn't you use them?

After about a hundred feet of the uncomfortable ride, they were set back down on the cold snow. Selina felt like she was about to get sick, for she had been jostled around the entire time. Meanwhile Starla laughed at her displeasure, which earned her a death-glare-scowl. Satisfied by the fact that Starla shut up, she stuck her head into the snow, trying to rid herself of the queasiness. This just brought on another round of laughter from Starla.

"Deidara-sempei! Look, kittens!" exclaimed the same male voice they had heard earlier. Selina got her head out of the snow and looked over to Starla. Starla gulped, with realization of who was their company at the moment.

"Tobi . . ."

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**Starla: did u liek it? i pickd up lol-speakz from lolcatz. Yey!**

**Selina: Yeah, we read to much of it before we commented on this xD**

**Starla: does u hear the monkeys? theyre foreshadoowiingg... O.O**

**Selina: umm. . ok? Heh, Tobi is funneh, and guess what happens?**

**Starla: umm, we gets adopted and..things happen? ehh...**

**Selina: . . . yeah... Darn you . . . **


	3. Pray we dont 'run away'

**Selina: Heeeyyyyy!!!! Whats this old story? Diddn't I update it last year?**

**Yeah, sorry, but I freaking fail. Perfect for the story epid fail . . . yeah.**

**Anyways, be joyful that this story isn't compleatly dead. That would be bad. Hope you like the newest chapter!**

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Pray that we don't _'run away'_!

Chapter 2!!

Selina gulped. Not only were they in a strange place, as cats, and lost, but they also were in the narutoverse . . . or whatever it was called. Starla looked up.

"OHMYGODITSDEI-KUN!!!" she squealed in joy, again in all one breath. Dang that girl . . . I mean . . . cat has some lungs. Tobi and Deidara (who Selina was also joying about but in a less obvious manner) looked down at the two kittens.

"One of them just yelled at me, yeah," he said, annoyed at Tobi for his constant childlike manner. Tobi picked Starla up.

"Kitty why did you yell at sempei?" he asked, holding Starla up to his face. Selina bit her lip lightly. Please don't scratch his face Starla, it would be bad. Then she reminded herself that he wore a mask, and instantly felt dumb.

Luckily, Starla's brain wasn't working fast enough to recognize that she had the perfect opportunity to scratch Tobi's mask. She was kinda dizzy from being picked up so fast. Also before she could get her bearings, Tobi instantly brought her down about a foot and started trying to brush snow off her fur. "Why is there snow on kitty's fur?" he asked, and tried to brush it off. Hard. Starla mewled in protest, and bit his arm. So lucky for him, he had on sleeves.

"You idiot, that cats fur is that color. It isn't snow," He said, rolling his visible eye. Selina looked up at him. He was as beautiful in real life as he had been in the manga. It doesn't matter that some people couldn't tell he was a guy, he was. Besides, she kinda like pretty guys anyways. His long blond hair was draping over his other eye, his crystal blue eyes slightly tearing up from the frigid weather . . . Anyways away from that, you surely don't want to hear the whole story from a diehard fangirl would you?

Tobi looked at Starla and made a little 'ooooohhhhh' noise. He stopped nearly killing Starla from over-petting, but still held her. Despite her attempts to rip his arms to bloody shreds, stupid leathery coat thing.

"Heeeeyyyy Sempei! We should name this kitty Snow! Because it looks like snow on her back!" Tobi said, officially winning the creativity award of the century. Sarcasm mode is now off, but not for long.

Deidara starred at him. "Don't you go naming them, every animal you name you get insanely attached to and beg that we take it home. And after a week it '_runs away'_, yeah" he said. Selina gulped. Starla would've if she weren't still trying to tear Tobi to a bloody pulp. Wait, that made no sense. 'Tear Tobi to millions of tiny little bloody pieces,' now that makes more sense. You can't tear someone to a pulp. Or can you? If you can, then Starla would've been doing it right now.

"But they're kittens! And they're in the cold! And it's cold! And it's warm at home! Pleeeeaaaseee can we take them back?" Tobi begged, dropping Starla and dropping to his hands and knees in a typical overdramatic fashion. Starla hit the snowy ground with a yelp, and snow flew up around her. Some of the flying snow hit Selina, who had started zoning out while staring at Deidara's beautiful face. Or beautiful according to her . . . and Starla . . . and about one billion other fangirls over the globe. She jumped.

"Wha?! What's happening?!" she asked, startled by the cold mush on her face. Starla got up and shook snow off her pelt, more of it hitting Selina. Starla looked dizzy still.

"How should I know? I was trying to kill Tobi in the most horrible and gruesome fashion possible at the time!" she said cheerfully, which could be kinda scary unless you knew Starla really well. Selina, who did know Starla well, just sighed and tried to pick up on the conversation.

"But sempeiiiiiii, I haven't had pets in forever!"

"Pets are a bad thing in the headquarters!"

"Nooo, you just say that because the dog I brought in once took one of your arms off,"

"THAT'S WHY THEY'RE A BAD THING UN!!"

Ok then, it was a battle over taking them to headquarters . . . where the Akatsuki were . . . where Hidan and Itachi and Kisame . . . .

Selina's eyes widened, if Tobi won this argument, then they would meet the Akatsuki, face to face, without worrying about dying (too much)!! Besides, it was cold out.

"Starla, act like you looooveeee Deidara by rubbing up against him and purring . . . at least try to purr or something," she said, never actually purring yet and having no clue how cats did it all the time. Building up courage, Selina walked up to Tobi and rubbed against him, trying to fine whatever hidden muscle that made the purring noise. Made harder by the fact that she did not fangirl over him. She fangirled over others, but just thought Tobi was a comic relief. Right now, Tobi was more than that. Tobi was a matter of life and death.

Starla, staring at Selina like she was nuts, made a 'What the hell,' decision and started rubbing against Deidara's legs. Not that it bothered her at all. She was a fangirl of Deidara, majorly.

"Awww, see Sempei, they like us!" Tobi said, overjoyed. Deidara stared at Starla and sighed.

"Fine, we will take them to the headquarters. But you take care of them, and don't ever give me any 'they _ran away'_ crap, un. Unless they actually run away, yeah," Deidara said, giving in to the power of LOVE!! Joking. It's more like giving into the whinings of a slightly mentally insane teammate over a trivial subject such as cat keeping.

Tobi radiated with joy and picked up Selina. He tried to pick up Starla but she instantly hissed. Deidara suggested that he should carry her because of the injury's he would be accountable for if the cat actually was able to get to Tobi's skin. Therefore, Selina was held awkwardly by the less then awesome Tobi and Starla got to ride in the beautiful (and sadly sewn back in) arms of Deidara. Selina sighed. Luck hated her today.

"This is amazing Selina! We're going to live with the Akatsuki! Sexy beasts for all!" Starla practically sang with joy. Selina looked at Starla.

"Just hope that we don't _'run away'_," she said, purposefully trying to ruin Starla's mood. It wasn't fair that she got to get carried by Dei-kun . . .

"Why would we run away?" Starla asked, still happy as ever. Selina stared at her. Did she not get the obvious air quotes that meant sarcasm? Was she blind to the little italics that marked those words whenever they meant . . . what they meant?! Selina sighed.

"Anyways . . . On to the lair of the sexy beasts!!"

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**Selina: Yes, both me and Starla are rabid fangirls of several akatsuki members, including deidara-kun. Sorry Starla couldn't add to the authors note, but she had to go home before she could. **

**I got the 'ran away' thing from a conversation between my step brother and step father remembering about a pet my brother had. It was a turtle, and when it died, dad said it ran away. This would be logical for a cat or dog. But not a turtle. -sigh-**

**Pray that we don't 'run away' and don't get to write the other chapters!!!**


End file.
